OVERVIEW

Report: June Contributes To Returns The Way A Hole Contributes To A Boat 🕳️

Here’s What’s Happening 👇️

Today’s top trending tickers: Stellar, Hedera, Sei, Onyxcoin, and Sperax

Biggest winners: $INJ ( ▲ 3.56% ) , $XLM ( ▲ 16.96% ) , $FET ( ▲ 10.18% ) , $ALGO ( ▲ 12.2% ) , and $HYPE ( ▲ 1.13% )

Biggest losers: $EDGE ( ▼ 1.41% ) , $SEI ( ▲ 1.59% ) , $VVV ( ▲ 3.05% ) , $TAO ( ▼ 1.64% ) , and $CHZ ( ▼ 0.43% )  

Before we dive in, here’s the total crypto market cap and altcoin market cap charts:

Source: TradingView

TECHNICAL ANALYSIS
Some Charts Worth Looking At 👀 

Before we get into how the crpyto maket has historically performed in the month of June, let’s look at a couple charts that show the real extremes in the broader crypto market.

Hyperliquid

HYPEUSD Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

$HYPE ( ▲ 1.13% ) is one of the only positive looking altcoin charts out there. Hell, I don’t even know if you could consider it an altcoin anymore. It’s basically like $BNB ( ▲ 10.07% ) in that it’s a trading platform for multiple asset classes that happens to built on a blockchain.

It hit a new all-time high today ($67.43) and has been doing that since, well, pretty much late January. HYPE is up +218% from it’s 2026 low of $20.49 back on January 21, 2026.

Cardano

We can file this chart statistic under the ‘fugly’ category. $ADA ( ▲ 0.78% ) had it’s lowest daily close in 64 months yesterday, and it’s on track to exceed that again, today. I mean, Cardano’s chart is just about the ugliest of the majors out there.

I mean, just look at the monthly chart.

ADAUSD Monthly Chart – Click to enlarge.

Cardano had an all-time record high of seven consecutive monthly closes in the red from September 2025 to March 2026. And April of this year barely saved Cardano from having its eighth in a row.

And unless something dramatic changes between now and the next couple days, it’s looking like May 2026 will be the eighth red month of the last nine months.

TECHNICAL ANALYSIS
Total Crypto Market Cap Summer Intern Performance Review

This is an analysis of how the Total Crypto Market Cap has historically performed in the month of June, but in the style of a review of a Summer intern.

Click to enlarge.

Intern: June Department: Q2 · Reports to: May · Hands off to: July Tenure: 12 summers · Stipend: Unpaid. We modeled paying it. The model declined.

Overall Rating: ☐ Exceeds ☐ Meets ☒ Needs Improvement ☐ PIP

Manager Summary: Over June’s tenure, the firm compounded to roughly 336x. We then ran the counterfactual in which June simply does not come to work – stays home, contributes nothing, exists in cash – and the firm finished at 406x, about 21% wealthier. 

We have not been able to reproduce that result by removing any of our good employees. June is the only team member whose measurable contribution to the company is achieved by its absence.

Click to enlarge.

Career Trajectory: June’s early reviews were, frankly, the reason it’s still here. Its first four summers (2014–2017) went 4-for-4, averaging +13.5% – a generational hire. So we fast-tracked it.

Every summer since (2018–2025) has averaged −7.0%, green just 3 of 8 times. June is a standing lesson in promoting on potential: a wunderkind who peaked at the first internship and has spent eight years invoicing against a reputation it stopped earning in 2017.

Performance Metrics – Note from Analytics: Flagging an anomaly the committee found difficult to believe at first. June closes green 58% of the time and still loses the firm money. 

It is the only employee on the calendar to achieve this. June’s winning summers average a thin +10.7%, while its losing summers average −15.4%. It is, in essence, a goalkeeper with a respectable save percentage who nonetheless concedes more than the season can absorb – right more often than not, and underwater anyway.

Click to enlarge.

Attribution Analysis: Forensic review of June’s output found that 55% of it is explained by what May leaves on the desk the month prior. When May closed strong, June rode it to +6.3%. When May closed weak, June posted −9.3%. June does not originate performance.

Peer Feedback

• May (#1 in the firm): “I start the project but June takes the credit and a long lunch. Everyone asks why I leave at the end of every May – read the attribution report.”

• July: “People keep telling me June ‘set me up.’ June set up nothing. I rally because June is finally gone. There’s a difference and I’d like it noted.”

• September: “At least when I’m bad, no one’s surprised. June ambushes you with a smile and a 58% win rate.”

• October (#3, highest hit rate): “I do real Q4 work while June takes a victory lap for a recovery it had no hand in.”

Compensation Review: No adjustment. The audit suggests we could improve firm-wide outcomes by docking June one month of presence, which we are not legally able to do, regrettably.

Return Offer: ☒ Conditional

We are extending a return offer contingent on:

• July’s continued willingness to clean up.

• A strong May handing June something to ride.

• June never reenacting whatever it believes it accomplished in 2022.

NEWS
Altcoins Market Cap Summer Intern Performance Review

Click to enlarge.

This is an analysis of how the Total Crypto Market Cap has historically performed in the month of June, but in the style of a review of a Summer intern.

Intern: June Department: Q2 · Reports to: May · Hands off to: July Tenure: 12 summers · Stipend: Unpaid. The committee has, in fact, explored billing June.

Overall Rating: ☒ PIP (insufficient – see Form 12-B, petition to create a tier below PIP for sole use by this individual)

Manager Summary: Across the recorded history of this firm, and as far as we have been able to research, the recorded history of firms, June is the worst worker we can identify. We checked other departments. Other industries. Other decades. J

Over twelve summers the firm compounded to 6,905x. Remove June – have it stay home, do nothing, exist in cash – and the firm finishes at 17,922x, roughly 2.6 times richer. Skipping June is the single most profitable staffing decision available to this company; no other employee’s removal even approaches it.

Click to enlarge.

Career Trajectory: June’s first four summers (2014–2017) were fine – +8.1%, green 3 of 4 – and we have spent eight years paying for the benefit of that doubt.

Record since: 0 for 8. Not one green summer in eight years. The last time June had a good summer, the iPhone 7 was a new product.

Performance Metrics – Note from Analytics: There are two findings the committee asked us to highlight:

First, the ceiling. June’s single greatest achievement in twelve years is a +18.2% summer – and it is the only month on the calendar that has never once cleared 20%. To contextualize: three colleagues (May +31.8%, December +24.9%, March +18.9%) average more than June’s all-time best.

Second, and stranger: in eleven full years, June has been the single worst month of the year exactly zero times. It has also been the single best month zero times. June has achieved perfect, unbroken irrelevance – never the disaster, never the hero, just a dependable −6.5% subtracted. June is a recurring subscription we forgot we were paying.

Market Context – Competitive Analysis: This firm’s entire reason to exist is beating the broad market, which we do in nine months of twelve. The two we don’t are October and June. In June, altcoins underperform the total market by −6.3%. We are a measurably worse company specifically when June is on the premises.

Recovery Analysis: We want to correct a recurring résumé entry. June lists “summer recovery” among its accomplishments. The recovery is August’s. June dug the hole, July stood in it, August filled it back in. June was present for none of the rescue and has taken full credit for the season.

Click to enlarge.

Peer Feedback

• May (#1 on the floor): “I returned 263% in a single month once. June’s proudest summer is the year it only lost two percent. We are not the same species.”

• August (does the recovery work): “I clean up June’s hole every single year and June lists my August on its performance review.”

• December (wrong two-thirds of the time, earns ten times what June does): “I am reckless and frequently incorrect and I lap June annually. Sit with that.”

• July: “Last useful thing June handed me was in 2017.”

• October (the only other red desk): “Even I beat June. I’m the other failure and I’m embarrassed to be in the same sentence. The other months feel bad for me.”

• Facilities: “We reassigned June’s parking spot as port-a-potty. June wasn’t using it productively. Neither was anyone, but especially June.”

Compensation Review: No adjustment. Analytics has formally recommended, in writing, that the firm pay June to remain home. Legal blocks it. We have stopped inviting Legal to the offsite.

Historical Context (Appendix, per committee request): We consulted outside sources to confirm June is bad not merely relative to us, but in the absolute. If a worse employee has lived, they had the decency not to keep a dataset.

Return Offer: ☒ Not Extended

There is no conditional, probationary, or hypothetical arrangement under which June’s return improves firm outcomes; we modeled all of them. After twelve years and 17,922 reasons, we have nothing left to extend.

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in AVAX, ADA, PUDGY, WLD, NEAR, INJ, LTC, LINK, ZEC, XLM, and FET. 📋