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OVERVIEW

Crypto Has More Weak Hands Than Logan Paul’s Fight Contracts 🥊

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

Source: Santiment

And here’s a look at crypto’s total market and altcoin market cap charts:

Source: TradingView

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

🏦 Ondo Hits $280M Milestone in Tokenized US Treasuries—Finally Making Boring Investments Trendy

Ondo Finance crossed $1/4 billion in TVL with tokenized US Treasuries (OUSG), proving institutions are finally bored enough to play in crypto’s sandbox. Ondo’s assets now span 80+ DeFi platforms across eight chains, letting TradFi types pretend they’re revolutionizing finance without learning Solidity. They control 80% of the market, so congrats Ondo—you successfully turned bonds into the latest crypto hype. Ondo Finance.

📉 U.S. Recession Odds Spike—Markets Panic

Surprise, surprise—Trump slaps tariffs on China, Mexico, and Canada, and suddenly markets lose their minds. Prediction markets Kalshi and Polymarket immediately turned gloomy, raising recession odds faster than Trump’s Twitter fingers hit send. Sure, these betting platforms aren’t always the smartest crowd, but even the degenerate gamblers have figured out tariffs are bad. Finbold.

⏳ Do Kwon’s Court Circus Delayed Because 4TB of Evidence is Apparently Hard to Skim

Poor Do Kwon’s lawyers need another month because the government casually dumped four terabytes of evidence into their inbox—probably more data than Terraform Labs ever had backing its stablecoin. Meanwhile, victims have until April 30 to pretend they’ll ever get their money back from Kwon’s billion-dollar disaster. But don’t worry, the actual trial is conveniently scheduled for January 2026, just long enough for everyone to stop caring. Do Kwon.

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ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
MVRV Bloodbath: When ‘Buy the Dip’ Turns into ‘Buy the Panic 🩸 

Crypto’s 30-day MVRV ratios just crashed headfirst into the panic zone, dragging BTC, ETH, DOGE, XRP, and LINK holders down with them. ADA’s barely holding onto neutral ground—congrats Cardano, you’re the least terrible of the bunch today! 👏 

Bitcoin

BTC MVRV – Click to enlarge.

Bitcoin’s 30-day MVRV is on-chain data equivalent of stepping on Legos in the middle of the night.

• Current MVRV: Sitting at a chilly -10.67%, Bitcoin’s short-term investors are currently underwater. 😬

• Average Historical Context: Since May 2023, BTC’s 30-D MVRV typically floats around +1.8%, so the current reading definitely screams “oversold.”

• Recent Trend: The last 10 days show BTC struggling below zero, bottoming at -11.81% on February 26. It briefly poked its head above water at +1.7% on March 2—then promptly dove back under.

Bottom line: BTC’s MVRV ratio is flashing “buy” signals if you’re a contrarian—or a masochist. 😈 ​

Ethereum

ETH MVRV – Click to enlarge.

Ethereum’s 30-day MVRV is currently deep into the cringe zone at -19.72%. Here’s what you need to know—straight, no chaser:

• Historical Average: Usually floats around +0.49%, meaning we’re now in some seriously oversold territory.

• Extreme Range Alert: The lowest recorded value since May 2023 is -21.31% (April 2024), making today’s number dangerously close to record lows—time to panic buy? 😏

• Recent Movement: ETH tanked hard recently, dropping from slightly positive territory (+1.20% on Feb 23) to today’s dramatic low.

Long story short: Ethereum holders are currently miserable—perfect if you’re into buying others’ misery.

XRP

XRP MVRV – Click to enlarge.

XRP’s 30-day MVRV ratio is currently parked at -7.07%, putting short-term holders in the “slightly annoyed” camp. 🙄

• Historical Average: Normally cruising at +2.88%, XRP’s latest reading hints at oversold vibes—though nothing catastrophic yet.

• Recent Shenanigans: XRP had a wild spike to +22.26% on March 2, clearly partying a little too hard after the Crypo Reserve Pamp to pass out and then wake up with a soul crushing hangover, resulting in a crash back into negative territory.

• Volatility Alert: XRP’s swings this past week ranged from a harsh -15.01% to a euphoric +22.26%..

Bottom line: XRP’s MVRV screams moderate discomfort—ideal for anyone seeking moderate risk or moderate regret. 😏 ​

Dogecoin

DOGE MVRV – Click to enlarge.

Dogecoin’s 30-day MVRV ratio is currently a dumpster fire at -22.10%, meaning DOGE holders are in full-blown regret mode. 😭

• Historical Norm: Usually hovering around neutral territory (-0.09%), today’s reading marks a near-record low, just shy of new two-year low near. -24.07%.

• Recent Spiral: DOGE has been living in a pit of misery over the past week, consistently below -15%, with today’s painful -22.10% plunge adding insult to injury.

• Volatility Reality Check: The only upside lately was a brief, pathetic spike to -1.53% on March 2 before crashing again.

Short version: Dogecoin is deep in the oversold abyss—perfect timing if catching knives is your favorite pastime. 🔪

Chainlink

LINK MVRV – Click to enlarge.

Chainlink’s 30-day MVRV ratio just faceplanted into -20.85%, meaning short-term LINK holders are likely questioning their life choices right about now. 😒

• Usual Hangout: Chainlink typically chills around +1.33%, making today’s level look like a glaring buy signal—or a trap, depending on your mood.

• Recent Pain Points: LINK plunged into a brutal -22.62% pit on February 24, barely crawled back up, then slid right back down to today’s unpleasant low.

• Volatility Recap: It briefly pretended to recover (-3.90% on March 2), before resuming its descent into investor despair.

Bottom line: Chainlink’s deep negative MVRV screams oversold—ideal if you’re shopping for panic and tears. 😱 

Cardano

ADA MVRV – Click to enlarge.

Cardano’s 30-day MVRV ratio is currently hovering around neutral territory at -0.017%—basically the market equivalent of a shrug. 🤷‍♂️

• Historical Context: Usually chilling at about -1.86%, ADA’s currently neither oversold nor euphorically pumped.

• Wild Recent Moves: Just a couple days ago, Cardano briefly lost its mind, spiking to a ridiculously high +43.59% on March 2—hooray Crypto Reserve Pamp. Now, it’s back to boring normalcy.

• Volatility Check: Cardano’s recent range is intense, swinging from -15.55% to +43.59% within a single week.

Translation: ADA’s MVRV is giving off neutral vibes today—nothing exciting unless sudden spikes tickle your fancy. 😐 ​

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DEX, & Lending 📰

🚀 Metis Drops Hyperion—Because Your L2 Probably Still Sucks

Metis just announced “Hyperion,” yet another Layer 2 claiming to solve Ethereum’s favorite headaches like centralized sequencers and garbage speeds. Hyperion is leaning into the AI hype, bragging about a virtual machine so optimized it could run your AI dApp ideas without choking on transaction fees or lag. They’re also pushing a decentralized sequencer network to dodge MEV vultures, but let’s see how fast the degens find new ways to front-run your trades anyway. Metis.

🍿 Stacks Celebrates $280M BTC Locked—Proving People Really Like Risking Their Precious BTC

Stacks hit $280 million in BTC on its decentralized DeFi layer, giving Bitcoiners another place to pretend they aren’t secretly jealous of Ethereum. New AI-driven features from Bitflow and ALEX hope to lure even more BTC holders into DeFAI, hoping they’ll stop just hodling and actually do something productive. Stacks.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🏀 Michael Jordan RWA Airdrop: Own a Pixelated Piece of a Legend (Or Sell Out Immediately)

LTO Network is giving you four days to fight over digital scraps of Michael Jordan memorabilia via their latest airdrop—because owning a verified JPEG of history is clearly peak Web3 achievement. Win once and cash it in for LTO coins instantly, proving nothing says “historic collector” like immediately liquidating your prize for crypto crumbs. LTO Network.

⚡ Jito February Recap: More Rewards, More Games, More Ways to Pretend You’re Useful

Jito’s February highlight reel includes distributing $284k via TipRouter, a Telegram survival game called “Jito Cabal,” and a hackathon proving again that the community is smarter than half the dev teams out there. Good news though—the Jito Cabal game purges 20 useless members weekly, which might be the only good idea here. Jito Labs.

💎 Enjin Wallet 3.0

Enjin finally updated their wallet app, boasting about performance improvements like they’re revolutionary, even though “faster and sleeker” should’ve been standard years ago. The redesign lets you manage multiple wallets separately, because juggling a single wallet was too taxing for the average crypto enthusiast. Also, now you can track NFTs from different wallets simultaneously. Enjin.

ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
Burnt Bag Briefing 🔥 

Want to know whether the bulls or bears are feeling the most pain today? Well, this is the place to look. 👀

24-Hour Liquidation Heat Map – Source: Coinglass – Click to enlarge.

In the past 24 hours, 295,140 traders were liquidated, with total liquidations reaching nearly $947.25 million.

The largest single liquidation occurred on Bitfinex, a BTCUSD pair valued at $13.40 million.

Longs lost $704.74 million, while shorts were hit for $242.41 million. 🤕

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🪙 IMF imposes new Bitcoin rules on El Salvador through its $1.4 billion loan

😨 Trump tariffs: America’s second-largest retail store issues first-quarter profit warning

⚡️ ‘We have excess electricity’: Belarus president orders development of crypto mining

🙄 Arthur Hayes: “Bitcoin is still in a bull market”—here’s his $250K prediction

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, IMX, COPI, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, ZEC, XLM, XTZ, and NEAR. 📋