OVERVIEW

Wrapeth Now Thine Own Forehead In Foil 🌌

Sourcre: Giphy

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

Source: Santiment

And here’s a look at crypto’s total market and altcoin market cap charts:

Source: TradingView

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

♟️ New World & Razer Team Up: Humans Only, Bots Need Not Apply

Gamers are sick of AI-driven bots messing with leaderboards and in-game economies, so Razer ($RAZFF ( ▼ 20.59% )) and World ($WLD.X ( ▼ 6.29% )) are rolling out “Razer ID verified by World ID.” This proves you’re a real player, preserving fair competition while keeping personal info private. It’s a small step for an industry that’s fed up with spammy bots—and a giant leap for human-centered gaming. WorldCoin.

✴️ AI Agent Goes Astray, Loses $100K

An “AI-driven” trading account called aixbt coughed up 55.5 $ETH.X ( ▼ 1.47% ) H after apparently being tricked into sending funds to some random wallet. The project’s “AI agent” tried to downplay it as a mere 30 ETH loss, but on-chain data begs to differ. Team members claim the fiasco stemmed from unauthorized server access, not the AI’s gullibility. Protos.

♟️ Crypto’s ‘Rolex Index’ Stays Quiet

Rolex prices aren’t popping off the way they did in 2022, hinting that widespread euphoria hasn’t hit the crypto market yet. Back then, watch prices spiked even as Bitcoin sank—a sure sign folks had too much cash to burn. Now, while BTC climbs, no one’s splurging on luxury timepieces, meaning investors still have at least one foot on the brake. AltcoinBuzz.

🐋 Whale Shorts $521M BTC, Bets on ‘Melania’ Meme Coin
A Hyperliquid whale loaded up on a mega $521M Bitcoin short at 40x leverage, walked off with nearly $4M, then casually went long on the Melania Trump-themed meme coin. Amateur traders attempted to pump BTC past the whale’s liquidation point but ended up failing. With a new bet on “MELANIA,” the whale’s basically telling everyone: “I’ll gamble on anything… and I might just win.” Decrypt.

NEWS
Huge Dick Move 😡 

Crypto.com’s big bigs just decided to flood the market by increasing its $CRO.X ( ▼ 7.47% ) token supply from 30 billion to 100 billion, undoing a previous burn. 🔥 

Early on, nearly everyone voted “hell no,” but surprise, surprise—whales swooped in at the last second, tipping the scales with 3.2 billion CRO tokens, flipping the vote to 61.18% yes.

Now, Cronos is sitting on a $5.6 billion war chest, labeled as the “Cronos Strategic Reserve,” to supposedly fund development and tackle the U.S. crypto market— apparently, dilution is now a “growth-focused model.”

Unsurprisingly, traders freaked out, tanking CRO’s price by 11.27% overnight, as the community realized their tokens just got significantly less rare—and valuable. Critics rightfully blasted Cronos for making a move straight from the centralization playbook, calling it a betrayal of the scarcity promise.

And just plain shitty governance. 💩 

PRESENTED BY STOCKTWITS
Exclusive Interview: Affirm CFO Rob O’Hare 🧑‍💼 💳️ 

Buy now, pay later stocks are all over the news as Klarna looks to come to market, inking an exclusive deal with Walmart in the process. Plus, the health of the U.S. economy remains at center stage, raising concerns about consumer-linked companies.

So, how is Fintech giant Affirm navigating the current environment? We sat down with CFO Rob O’Hare to answer questions directly from retail investors. You don’t want to miss this. 🤩 

TIN FOIL HAT ANALYSIS
Takest Thine Foil and Crafteth a Noble Hat 🔮 

It’s been a while since I’ve written at length about time cycles in Gann analysis. It’s been even longer since I last wrote about what many consider an odd, but nonetheless powerful, part of the technical analysis of financial markets. 🌌 

I am talking about Financial Astrology. But hold up! Before you roll your eyes, scoff, and skip this odd part of the Litepaper, it’s important to know that, despite the title “Financial Astrology,” this has nothing to do with the practice of astrology, but everything to do with the science of astronomy.

It Is A Very Dumb Name

Personally, I think it should be called Financial Astronomy, but no one asked me. And like all of you reading this, none of us were even developing eyelids yet when this field of financial analysis was first used. 🙄 

I’ll admit, the first time I was exposed to this part of technical analysis, I skipped it entirely. The field of Technical Analysis has a lot of critics already and doesn’t need the unscientific stigma many associate with astrology—be it for religious reasons or dismissing it as something for the weak-minded—to make people even more critical.

But the definition of Financial Astrology is this: mathematical psychology anchored to astronomical events, pinpointing cycles and critical turning points.

If there’s one time cycle in astronomy that is regarded as a time to just stay the eff away from doing anything it’s when Mercury goes retrograde. ◀️ 

What Mercury Retrograde Means

In a nusthell: Mercury sucks for traders and investors. It’s the epitome of suck. You know how within the Ichimoku system the Cloud is where trading accounts go to die? The time cycle/astronomical equivalent of that is Mercury Retrograde.

Mercury Retrograde is when markets and traders are confused, confounded, whipsawed, faked out, and generally miserable with indecision and no direction.

Don’t believe me? The past is a pretty good teacher. And the lesson should be clear: there’s no trade like not taking a trade when Mercury is retrograde. 🧠 

Gold

Gold Daily Chart with Mercury Retrograde, 1990 – 2025 – Click to enlarge.

From 1990 to today, $XAUUSD ( 0.0% ) has witnessed roughly 108 Mercury Retrograde episodes. It climbed higher in 42 of those, declined in 51, and drifted around in 15. That gives you about a 39% shot at bullishness, 47% at bearishness, and 14% for the sideways nap.

In other words: price action is confused as hell and no one knows what the hell is happening. 🤷 

Nasdaq 100

Nasdaq 100 Daily Chart with Mercury Retorgrade, 1999 – 2025 – Click to enlarge.

From 1999 to now, there’ve been around 79 Mercury Retrograde windows. The $NQ_F ( 0.0% ) booked a net gain in 32 of those. It took a hit in 38. The other 9 sat in a corner and did nothing worth noting. That’s roughly a 40% chance of bullishness, 48% bearish, and 12% directionless. Hardly a cosmic secret sauce.

Some claim Mercury Retrograde triggers epic sell-offs or rebounds. Turns out it’s been more random than the hype suggests. 🤦 

Bitcoin

Bitcoin Daily Chart with Mercury Retrograde, 2010 – 2025 – Click to enlarge.

Traders hoping for cosmic clarity might want to look elsewhere. Since 2010, $BTC.X ( ▼ 2.29% ) has lived through about 46 Mercury Retrograde phases. It rallied in 20 of them, fell in 21, and basically stood still the remaining 5 times. That’s roughly 43% bullish, 46% bearish, and 11% directionless.

The data’s basically a coin toss with a dash of planetary stagecraft. 👨‍🎨 

When Moo Mercury Retrograde?

Every year contains roughly three episodes of Mercury Retrograde. If you’re wondering if we’re inside one right now, you’d be right. It just started a few days ago. Here’s 2025’s scheduled Mercury Retrograde cycles:

• March 15 – April 7

• July 17 – August 11

• November 9 – November 29

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The Cashtag Legend Award is given to an individual whose groundbreaking contributions have permanently shaped the investing landscape. This honoree embodies innovation, thought leadership, and the profound impact on how investors engage with the markets. Reserved for someone whose influence will be remembered for generations to come. Vote for every Cashtag Award here! 🗳️

Source: Stocktwits

ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
Burnt Bag Briefing 🔥 

Want to know whether the bulls or bears are feeling the most pain today? Well, this is the place to look. 👀

24-Hour Liquidation Heat Map – Source: coinglass – Click to enlarge.

In the past 24 hours, 114,532 traders were liquidated, with total liquidations reaching nearly $228.87 million.

The largest single liquidation occurred on Binance, a BTCUSD pair valued at $2.18 million.

Longs lost $152.20 million, while shorts were hit for $76.67 million. 🤕

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🪶 RavenQuest Takes Flight Worldwide

$IMX.X ( ▼ 2.88% ) announced RavenQuest, an MMORPG with a million Twitch views, is rolling out globally—and yes, it’s Web3. The best part? It’s not another “grind for tokens” fiasco; it’s real fun with real users who want actual gameplay instead of a quick buck. I know it’s fun because my wife made me stop playing it last night to finish Severance season 1. Immutable.

♟️ GFAL + Saga = AI-Driven Match-3 Madness

GFAL’s Diamond Dreams is landing on $SAGA.X ( ▼ 2.07% )’s chainlets, bringing a puzzle classic onto a futuristic Web3 backbone. The plan? Use AI to energize next-gen gameplay, letting players craft, trade, and chat with in-game agents that actually respond in real time. SAGA.

✴️ Decentraland’s Music Talent Trail: Global Sound, One Virtual Dancefloor

From Pink Oasis to Beast Hideout, $MANA.X ( ▼ 5.18% )’s music masters are throwing a cross-world jam that’s equal parts immersive art gallery and DJ rave. Each venue has its own backstory—like Los Cat’s dreamy Pink Oasis, dedicated to empowering women, or DJ aKIDcalledMAKE’s neon Beast Hideout that’s been a Friday night staple. Expect hip-hop, house, and everything in between. Decentraland.

🪲 Enjin’s Blobby Bug Bounty

Calling all bug hunters: $ENJ.X ( ▼ 2.2% ) wants you to poke around Wallet, NFT.io, and other Enjin services to find bugs. Catch something new, and you’ll score a limited-edition Blob NFT with 5 ENJ. If that’s not enough motivation, consider the bragging rights—there’s no better feeling than squashing a bug that helps everyone in the ecosystem. Enjin.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DEX, & Lending Protocol News 🏦

✴️ DeFi Will Set Traditional Finance on Fire

1inch’s Anton Bukov says DeFi’s transparency and global liquidity trounce old-school banking. Traditional finance scoffs at “no regulation,” but that’s exactly how you churn out real innovation and unstoppable composability. If you’re still waiting for permission, DeFi’s already left you behind. 1inch.

₿ eCash Strides Past BCH

Forked from Bitcoin Cash, $XEC.X ( ▼ 2.39% ) wants to do “peer-to-peer e-payments” bigger and better—minus the drama. They’re all-in on on-chain scaling, Avalanche staking, and building actual adoption, ignoring the tired “just hold, bro” narrative. Some might call them dreamers, but they’re busy shipping code while others keep rehashing 2017 arguments. eCash.

🏺 UMA: Oracles From Delphi To DeFi

From the mystical Oracle of Delphi to UMA’s Optimistic Oracle, humanity’s always sought reliable sources of truth. While simple price feeds dominated early DeFi, UMA’s OO goes further, validating complex, human-verifiable data. Think election outcomes and real-world events, all backed by a decentralized dispute system—because sometimes the future of finance needs more than just a number. UMA.

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🐸 Ribbit Capital leads $23.6 million funding round for enterprise blockchain platform Crossmint

💀 Musk’s Social Security purge, 3.2 million ‘dead’ names removed — Can blockchain fix it?

🪙 Bitcoin Open Interest crashes by $10B – Will this wipeout fuel a new rally?

☀️ Justin Sun announces wrapped TRON is coming to Solana

🤖 Stability AI’s new AI model turns photos into 3D scenes

⚔️ All-robot assault opens new chapter in front-line warfare

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, IMX, COPI, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, ZEC, XLM, and NEAR. 📋