Crypto Closes April Green, Joy Remains Unconfirmed 🤷
OVERVIEW
Crypto Closes April Green, Joy Remains Unconfirmed 🤷

Here’s What’s Happening 👇️
Top trending tickers today: Chronobank, Zebec Network, Ethereum Classic, Rarible, and BrokeCoin.
Biggest gainers: $ZEC ( ▲ 5.08% ) , $DOGE ( ▲ 1.85% ) , $SHIB ( ▲ 0.46% ) , $PEPE ( ▲ 0.3% ) , and $ADA ( ▲ 0.67% )
Biggest losers: $M ( ▼ 9.91% ) , $PI ( ▲ 3.71% ) , $WLFI ( ▼ 7.46% ) , $SKY ( ▲ 2.33% ) , and $HYPE ( ▲ 4.73% )
Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto crypto’s total market and altcoin market cap charts:
NEWS
Asset Manager Discovers You Can Put A Bond On A Blockchain And Charge Fees Twice 🤌
$COIN ( ▲ 3.32% ) Asset Management dropped a new tokenized credit fund this morning called CUSHY. Yield-bearing private credit wrapped in a token, settles 24/7, sold to qualified investors and institutions only.
Coinbase Prime on custody, Northern Trust on admin, Superstate doing the tokenization through their new FundOS platform. Lives on Base, $SOL ( ▲ 1.1% ) , and $ETH ( ▲ 1.16% ) .
And there’s a macro reason for Coinbase dipping their toes into this asset class. Stablecoin volume cleared $33 trillion last year – more than $V ( ▼ 1.5% ) pushed through. Roughly 89 million addresses holding stablecoins daily.
Coinbase getting there first with this much institutional love is a big deal. Prime custody and Northern Trust admin are not corners you cut. They are also not corners that get cut when a fund is being built to fail.
Now the funny part. The fund is split into public credit, private asset-based debt, and something the deck calls “structural alpha.” Translated out of consultant-speak, that third one means they are stacking protocol incentives on top of the bond carry. Fine. Just call it what it is.
SPONSORED
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NEWS
Avalanche Launches Blockchain For Robots, Robots Reportedly Thrilled, Cannot Confirm 🤖
$AVAX ( ▼ 0.26% ) announced the Kite mainnet launched this week. It’s an L1 built specifically for AI agents to identify themselves, hold permissions, and pay each other in stablecoins without a human in the loop.
Kite’s testnet processed 1.9 billion agent interactions, peaked at 30 million daily calls, and saw 51 million addresses transact. That’s API traffic patterns, not on-chain usage patterns.
And there’s some big names involved. $33 million led by $PYPL ( ▼ 1.57% ) Ventures and General Catalyst, with PayPal already piloting and $SHOP ( ▼ 0.11% ) integrations underway.
Agents will pay per API call, per dataset, per task, continuously, at machine speed. Avalanche’s sub-second finality and predictable fees make the math viable.
NEWS
Nexo Turns Eight ⛪️
$NEXO ( ▲ 1.71% ) dropped its 8th anniversary letter today and decided the right frame of reference was Filippo Brunelleschi and the dome of the Florence Cathedral. Yes, that one.
The Renaissance masterpiece. The thing that took sixteen years to build, defined an architectural era, and is still standing six centuries later. That is what Nexo wants on the front of your mind when you think about Nexo.
Peel the marble facing off the letter and what you have is a fairly standard “we have evolved, we are bigger now, we are back in the US” update. They are live in Latin America, back in the United States – the same United States they paid a $45 million settlement to leave in 2023.
To pivot for a more serious take here, it’s impressive that Nexo is still around. I remember one of the first things I wrote in this newsletter (when it was The Litepaper) back in the second half of 2022 was about Nexo.
OMG this seems like so long ago – August 5, 2022. Here’s that interview/article.
Now, if you remember, there was a boat load of crypto lending services and yield bearing/generating services back in 2022. Some big names like Celsius, Voyager, etc.
The collapse of Terra’s Luna, Three Arrows Capital, Celius, Voyager, etc killed almost every major crypto lender/borrower out there. But Nexo didn’t operate like idiots in the space, and that’s why they’re still here.
NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
AI, Stablecoins, & Privacy News 🕵️
Privacy Coin Joins Privacy Wallet
Zano announced that it is now available on Unstoppable Wallet for iOS, a non-custodial open-source wallet that collects no user data, supports TOR, and offers Duress Mode for opening a decoy wallet under coercion. The launch supports sending and receiving ZANO, BIP39 restore, fUSD as a Confidential Asset, and built-in DEX swaps. Android support is coming “in the months ahead.” Zano.
NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Real World Asset Tokenization (RWA) News 🪙
Centrifuge Brings Apollo And Janus Henderson To Monad, A Blockchain You Will Hear About Exactly Once
Centrifuge announced that tokenized Treasury bills, AAA CLOs, and Apollo’s diversified credit strategy are now live on Monad. The launch includes deRWA versions for “seamless integration across the Monad DeFi ecosystem.”. Co-founder Keone Hon expressed excitement about supporting environments where RWAs can be “actively utilized.” Centrifuge.
Plume Tells Airdrop Hunters They Must Now Prove They Are Human
Plume opened Season 2 airdrop registration, requiring eligible wallets to register by May 27, hold at least 10,000 Plume Points, and in some cases verify their humanity via Human Passport with a score above 20. The team partnered with human.tech to remove “confirmed sybil clusters” from eligibility, a process several thousand farmers described as deeply unfair. Tokens will be immediately claimable with no vesting in May. Plume Network.
NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DEX, & Lending News 🏦
1inch Asks The Real Question: Should A Bot Or A More Expensive Bot Lose Your Money
1inch published an explainer comparing trading bots (“fast execution, fixed logic”) with AI agents (“adaptive decision-making”), concluding that the answer is to use both. Bots win on “speed, simplicity and reliability,” AI agents win on “adaptability and context awareness,” and hybrid systems win on “billing.” 1inch noted that AI agents suffer from the “black box problem” and “may overfit past patterns,” reassuring readers that the machine losing their money will at least be inscrutable about it. 1inch.
NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Protocol News 🏦
Oasis Co-Founder Admits Crypto Has Built Nothing Anyone Wants To Use
Oasis co-founder Jernej Kos published a candid update declaring that “crypto has over-indexed on infrastructure and under-delivered on the consumer-facing value that makes any of it matter,” before pivoting Oasis to a consumer DeFi product called Privana Finance. The 8-year-old confidential EVM project, which has five years of mainnet uptime and a clean security record, will now ship apps itself. Oasis.
IOTA Releases Consensus Upgrade Named After Animal That Regenerates From Single Limb, Implications Unclear
The IOTA Foundation announced that its Mainnet has adopted Starfish, a consensus upgrade designed to keep the network running “even when participants lag or disconnect,” much like a starfish “can regenerate from a single arm without dying.” Starfish is intended to support TWIN, IOTA’s global trade infrastructure where bills of lading and certificates of origin live on-chain. Iota.
OLD NEWS
Crypto Stuff That Happened Today, But A Long Time Ago 📜
Here’s what was happening in the newsletter a year ago today:
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April felt awful, but Bitcoin still finished green – BTC closed the month up 14.17%, better than its historical April average of +8.74%.
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BlackRock went bigger on tokenization – it moved to tokenize its $150B Treasury Trust Fund for institutional players.
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CZ trashed most AI tokens at Token2049 – calling 99.99% of them useless, which was rude but not exactly unsupported.
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ETF hopium was alive – Nate Geraci was still betting SOL, XRP, DOGE, and staking-related ETF approvals would happen in 2025.
Here’s what was happening in the newsletter two years ago today:
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April 2024 looked like the worst month since FTX – and it was threatening to become one of Bitcoin’s ugliest Aprils on record.
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Roger Ver got hit with tax evasion charges – while CZ got sentenced to 4 months in prison. Quite a day for crypto’s distinguished gentlemen.
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Monero looked hideous against Bitcoin – new 8-year lows, though it was at least trying not to log a ninth straight red month.
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Gensler got more heat on the ETH mess – the SEC’s earlier Ethereum-security investigation was turning into Capitol Hill ammunition.
OLD NEWS
Other Stuff That Happened Today, But A Long Ass Time Ago ⌛️
April 30
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1492 – Christopher Columbus begins his exploration
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1562 – The first French colonists arrive in North America (Florida) led by Jean Ribault.
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1789 – George Washington takes the oath office and becomes the first US President.
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1803 – The Lousiana Purchase.
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1863 – US Civil War – the Battle of Chancellorsville begins.
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1871 – Camp Grant massacre.
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1900 – Hawaii becomes a territory of the US.
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1945 – Adolf Hitler committs suicide.
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1948 – The Land Rover debuts.
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1975 – South Vietnam surrenders.
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1993 – The World Wide Web launches
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2009 – Chrysler files for Chapter 11.
LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗
🪙 COIN Stock Rises After ‘CUSHY’ Launch – Coinbase Targets Crypto Lending Yield Amid Stablecoin Debate
😯 MARA Stock Jumps On $1.5 Billion Long Ridge Deal In Latest Shift Beyond Bitcoin Mining
😶 Production Dead, Demand Alive: Used Tesla Model X Is Flying Off Lots
😎 PYPL Preps Venmo For Sale? Gordon Haskett Sees Spinoff Or Takeover Ahead
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