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OVERVIEW

FARTCOIN: Santa’s Greatest Gag Gift 💨

Source: Tenor

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

Source: Santiment

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

Source: Tradingview

MEMECOINS
FARTCOIN: The Smell Of Money 🦨 

I have no words

They named it after a bodily function most of us prefer to pretend never happens. 😕 

They minted a billion tokens of it.

Then they pushed it past $800 million in market cap like a high-fiber diet set loose on a public restroom. 🚽 

FARTCOIN’s rise defies all logic.

One day, you’re scoffing at a meme coin named after a crude noise. The next, you’re wondering why the hell you didn’t scoop up some FART when it was just floating near the $0.15 level.

FARTUSD Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

And then you thought, “No way this keeps going higher.” 🤔 

But you forgot about Mr. Swanson’s 8th grade science class: Hot air rises.

It wafts through the world, a lingering reminder that for all our talk of “game-changing tech,” we’re still just a bunch of apes laughing at a good old-fashioned fart joke. 💩 

Then again, maybe this is a part of what crypto was always meant to be. Maybe we’ve reached peak decentralization, where even a gas-themed coin can threaten to outdo the “serious” projects. Maybe this is the logical conclusion of financial innovation: a massive valuation powered not by Proof-Of-Work or Proof-Of-Stake, but Proof-Of-Cheek.

FARTUSD Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

Maybe the future of finance no longer passes the smell test, and that’s exactly what we deserve.

It’s easy to say the market has lost its mind. Maybe that’s true. But while you’re scratching your head, $FARTCOIN hovers near a billion-dollar valuation like a silent-but-deadly surprise.

And hey, if inflation’s burning through your fiat, at least you can buy some tokenized air biscuits and hope the market’s nose leads it higher. 👃

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DEFI
USDtb: Because Your Money Deserves to Hang With BlackRock, Not Some Shady Mattress ❤️‍🩹 

Ethena Labs and Securitize have unleashed USDtb, a brand-new stablecoin backed almost entirely (90%!) by BlackRock’s USD Institutional Digital Liquidity Fund (BUIDL). 🤯 

Before you ask, yes, Ethena Labs already has a stablecoin called USDe. Think of USDe as the laid-back and reliable friend from work, and USDtb as the new super crazy rich guy who rolled into town flexing BUIDL biceps.

And because BlackRock isn’t messing around, USDtb scored perfect marks from top-notch auditors and even lets you peek at its reserve wallets (check it out at usdtb.money). In other words, USDtb has a cleaner bill of health than a yoga class full of vegetarians.

Plus, it’s a cross-chain champ, going live on Ethereum, Base, Solana, and Arbitrum right out of the gate, thanks to that slick LayerZero OFT magic. 🪄 

FUTURES
Inside Last Week’s ETH COT Report 📚️ 

Last Friday’s COT report for ETH futures hit like a North Pole pub crawl gone wrong. But before we analyze it, here’s a quick rundown of what the COT (Commitment Of Traders Report) report is: 🧠 

What Is The COT Report?

The COT (Commitments of Traders) Report is like a secret club’s guest list that gets leaked every week (the CFTC releases it on Fridays). It shows who’s betting big in the futures market—dealers, hedge funds, asset managers, and your garden-variety degens.

Think of it as an unofficial cheat code for reading market intentions. You peek at who’s loading up on what and then decide if you want to join their binge or bet against their questionable life choices. 🃏 

And what are those Dealer, Asset Manager, etc? 🤔 

Dealer/Intermediary

Market makers who supply liquidity, like bartenders handing out shots. They’re the ones who’ll sell you the booze. (Banks, Brokers)

Asset Manager/Institutional

Big-fish types who show up in suits and act like they know something. They’re usually managing client money and pretending it’s all very dignified, never letting you see what’s really in their flask. (Pension funds, mutual funds, insurance companies, institutional investors)

Leveraged Funds

Adrenaline junkies turned traders. Think hedge funds taking out loans just to bet bigger, sniffing around for any chance to amplify gains or blow up spectacularly. (Hedge funds, prop shops)

Other Reportables

The oddballs who aren’t dealers, institutions, or funds. Basically, that weirdo you meet at the after-party who claims to be “in the business” but never says which one. (big, often single individual traders with big stacks o’ cash)

Nonreportable

Small-time gamblers who don’t have to disclose their moves. Degens. You and me. (Retail traders)

Last Week’s ETH COT Report 📑 

Asset Managers (93.93% long) are very much hodling and banking on Ethereum appreciating. 93.93% of their positions long sounds amazing, right? That’s roughly 3.7k contracts long! 😱 

These guys have deep pockets and can handle the biggest of the big swings that happen. They’re drinking 3.2% beer (aging myself here) all night because nothing is going to happen to them.

But take a look at the horror fest on display with the Leveraged Money: 82.80% of those hoity-toity hedge fund bros are short. 8k positions. Insane.

Source: Tradingster

For the regulated futures market, things could get very, very interesting. Ethereum just hit a new 3-year high today, along with Bitcoin hitting a new all-time high. 🤔 

If things keep trending higher for ETH, we might see the Leveraged Money puking in the punch bowl soon with the mother of short squeezes. Let’s see if there are any changes later this week. 👀 

EMAIL ME
Tell Me What You Want What You Really Really Want 🔊 

Quick note here: Let me know what you’d like to see more of in the Litepaper.

More charts? Less Charts? More on-chain analytics? Less analytics? More data? Less data? Let me know! 🎇 

E-mail me here: jmorgan@stocktwits.com

ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
Burnt Bag Briefing 🔥 

Want to know whether the bulls or bears are feeling the most pain today? Well, this is the place to look. 👀

24-Hour Liquidation Heat Map – Source: Coinglass – Click to enlarge.

In the past 24 hours, 132,228 traders were liquidated, with total liquidations reaching $493.48 million.

The largest single liquidation occurred on Binance, a BTCUSDT pair valued at $19.86 million.

Longs lost $214.50 million, while shorts were hit for $279.06 million. 🤕 

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🤑 Answer a short survey for a chance to win a $100 Amazon gift card.*

🏦 IRS releases tax inflation adjustments for tax year 2025

🦑 FTX customers to get distributions through Kraken and BitGo with bankruptcy plan set to be effective on Jan. 3

🆒 TD Cowen says SEC likely to forge on with crypto rules without Democratic commissioners in the new year

🐧 You’re not gonna make $50K in PENGU by buying and returning Pudgy toys

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, DASH, COPI, LTC, LINK, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, DOGE, ZEC, AVAX, XLM, XTZ, and NEAR. Does not own any FARTCOIN. 📋