Hunger Games, Crypto Edition: Barely 3% Survive Pump.fun 🏹

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OVERVIEW
Hunger Games, Crypto Edition: Barely 3% Survive Pump.fun 🏹 

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

Source: Santiment

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

Source: TradingView

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

🇸🇻 Tether Shifts HQ to El Salvador

Tether just bailed on the British Virgin Islands to set up shop where Bitcoin is basically the national mascot. They snagged a license to sling stablecoins in a place that’s been on a Bitcoin bender since 2021. CEO Paolo Ardoino calls it a “natural progression,” which is code for “they actually like us here.” Atlas21.

💰 MicroStrategy’s $243M Bitcoin Shopping Spree

They dropped nearly a quarter-billion at about $95k per BTC, proving that FOMO doesn’t have an off switch. The company now holds a jaw-dropping 450k Bitcoin, close to 2% of all BTC ever mined. Decrypt.

💱 Cardano and Ripple in Talks Over RLUSD Stablecoin

Charles Hoskinson’s telling everyone they’re working with Ripple to drop RLUSD onto Cardano, because they’re not content with just one or two stablecoins. If it happens, Cardano’s DeFi scene might finally stop looking like an empty mall food court. Crypto-Economy.

⚠️ Another Honeypot Tsunami Hits Base

Scammers keep tossing out shady new tokens (NUDE AI, MEGA, SAI—pick your acronym) designed to trap your funds the second you blink. They freeze trading, drain wallets, or block your ability to sell, just so you’ll regret being curious. If you enjoy losing money in 30 seconds flat, by all means, ape in without checking audits or flags. cryptopolitan.

🤷 Sui’s ‘Centralization?’ Founders Say “We Don’t Own 84%”

A critic swears the Sui Foundation is basically run by a handful of people holding most of the tokens, but Sui says that’s not the full story. They promise locked tokens aren’t in the hands of a few puppetmasters, though specifics remain vague. With a modest Nakamoto Coefficient and a chunk of the supply under “Foundation control,” folks are still waiting for real transparency—maybe that’s in another press release. CCN.

💸 MoonPay Pays $175M for Helio—Solana Team Celebrates
MoonPay just scooped up Solana-based Helio, a crypto checkout startup that’s handled over $1.5 billion in transactions. They want to cram Helio’s payment wizardry into their own platform to turbocharge on-chain commerce and maybe justify that $175 million price tag. Big names like Magic Eden and Solana Mobile have used Helio. CryptoNews.

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MEMECOINS
Pump.fun—Minting a Few Millionaires, Fleecing the Masses 🐏 

A House of Financial Horrors 👻 

According to Dune Analytics, a staggering 99.6% of traders on Pump.fun fail to realize profits above $10,000. 😨 

Dune Analytics

Considering the platform has nearly 14 million wallets, only 56k of those have ever cracked that the $10k threshold. And a laughable 0.002%—some 293 wallets—actually saw their balances tip into the $1 million range. In other words, good luck being one of the chosen few who dodge the rug pulls and walk away with real gains.

Out of nearly 14,000,000 wallets, roughly 3% have ever hit $1,000 in profit. 🤦 

Nearly $400 Million in Revenue (Mostly From Your Losses) 💸 

If you’re wondering why people keep getting dunked on, it’s because they’re playing a game against an army of bots. 🤖 

On Pump.fun, about 30% of wallets are basically Terminators programmed to buy and dump faster than you can blink. And this isn’t just a Pump.fun problem—Solana itself has a notorious 20%-30% bot-driven trading volume.

These automated vultures swoop in, artificially inflate token prices, then sell faster than you can say “rug pull.” You, dear mortal, are left chasing price pumps that vanish quicker than, well, profit on rug.pull. By the time you realize what happened, your precious SOL is drained, and the bots have scuttled off to head shot the next unsuspecting target.

While individual traders drown in losses, Pump.fun sits atop a near–$400 million revenue pile. Blockchain analytics platform Lookonchain found that Pump.fun has raked in over 2 million SOL, worth almost $398 million.

Translation: They get richer no matter how badly your memecoins tank. ⤵️ 

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🦍 ApeChain Ditches Ethereum Congestion for Arbitrum Orbit

ApeCoin DAO had enough of Ethereum’s gas wars, so they voted to spin off ApeChain on Arbitrum Orbit. The big selling point? Yuga Labs fans get $APE for gas while building 60+ hype projects without burning $157 million on failed mints. Arbitrum blog.

🛑 Singapore Cuts Off Polymarket for “Illegal” Gambling

They’ve banned Polymarket under the country’s Gambling Control Act because it wasn’t playing nice with regulations. Local users who can’t resist betting on absolutely everything now face hefty fines or jail time if they try. Meanwhile, Singapore is still cosplaying as a blockchain utopia by boasting 1,600 blockchain patents and doubling digital asset licenses—just not for gambling, apparently. CryptoDNES.

🤔 NY AG’s Novel Plan: Serve Crypto Thieves Via NFT

They allegedly swiped $2.2 million from naive jobseekers, so now the Attorney General wants to drop an NFT lawsuit straight into their wallets—because obviously, snail mail is too passé. The victims apparently had to maintain “balances” in Tether while earning bogus rewards, only to watch their funds vanish. The AG’s office froze the stolen crypto, but first, they need a court’s nod before returning it—plus some creative service via NFT. DefiLlama News.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DEX, and Lending Protocol News 🏦

✨ Flare’s Content Bounty: $10K Up for Grabs

They’re celebrating two years since FLR’s distribution by bribing (sorry, “rewarding”) creative folks to pump Flare’s brand. Make videos, write threads, or whip up fancy infographics on FAssets or staking—just keep it original. Top picks get FLR prizes weekly until February 7, so better hurry and get those memes minted. Flare Network blog.

🤖 GOAT AI Agent Toolkit Lands on Zilliqa

Zilliqa devs are now playing with GOAT, an open-source framework that hooks AI agents to on-chain dApps. No more tears wasted bridging multiple blockchains—just build, connect, and let AI do the heavy lifting. With Zilliqa 2.0 on the horizon, guess we’re about to see even more “I, Robot” style dApps. Zilliqa blog.

🗳️ Internet Computer’s Governance Party

They’re bragging about 2024’s on-chain achievements, with the NNS and SNS setups claiming to be the most active DAOs on DeFi Llama. Funding soared, proposals flew left and right, and, according to ICP fans, you can’t call yourself truly decentralized if you’re not an Internet Computer DAO. They’re hinting at big changes in 2025. Internet Computer Protocol blog.

⚖️ Balancer Weekly: V3 Gauges and Giant TVL Dreams

There’s a new Snapshot proposal to push over $30 million in TVL, plus Path to Panda ended with a bunch of memes, videos, and dashboards from the community. Balancer also partnered with CoW AMMs on Base for minimal risk and extra yield, with new Priority Fee Router features coming soon. Think stable swaps, shiny new tools, and a big “vote or miss out” vibe from the protocol’s team. Balancer blog.

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

:🚨 XRP Ledger bug: nodes crashed, funds didn’t

💂‍♂️ UK Prime Minister to uutline plans to ‘turbocharge’ Britain’s future with AI

🏈 A.J. Brown’s sideline read ‘Inner Excellence’ skyrockets to No. 1 on Amazon

🤔 How “test your adblocker” websites can harm users and the adblocker ecosystem

💻️ Nvidia RTX 50-series gaming laptops spotted at Best Buy — here’s how much you’ll be paying

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