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OVERVIEW

Shocking Development: Going Into The Weekend Without A Crippling Sense Of Dread 💀 

Source: Giphy

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

Source: Santiment

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

Source: TradingView

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

🔥 Wildfire Wipes Out Grandma’s Bitcoin Nest Egg

A 70-year-old LA resident lost her home—and her paper wallet seed phrase—in raging SoCal blazes. Now she’s out both physical real estate and digital fortunes, reminding us that “fireproof safe” isn’t just a marketing gimmick. Hearing about this made me literally buy one of those metal versions you chisel like a caveman. cryptopolitan

🤖 Bridging AI & Humans With A Decentralized Knowledge Graph

They’re pushing Asimov’s robot laws into the blockchain age, hoping we won’t get robo-dystopia. OriginTrail’s DKG ensures AI “thoughts” are verifiable and tamper-proof. Basically, if your AI assistant decides to “hallucinate,” you’ll know exactly which NFT it blamed. Origin Trail.

🎮 Squid Game Season 2: Rug Pull Edition

The new season features a fake coin called $DALMATIAN that got pumped, dumped, and left half the cast flat broke. Art imitates life, because fans still remember the real $SQUID token fiasco that soared to $2,800 before tanking into oblivion. If you see a random “Squid Coin” pop-up, maybe resist the urge to YOLO your rent money. The Shib.

🇩🇪 Germany Ponders a BTC Strategy: ETF, Reserve, or Bond Chain?

At a Bundestag roundtable, ex-finance minister Lindner mulled issuing government bonds on the blockchain, maybe stashing some Bitcoin in reserves, or finally green-lighting a Bitcoin ETF. That’s a wild 180° from last year when they sold 50k BTC and cratered the market. Maybe they’re regretting that discount coin dump now that BTC is still dancing near $95k. U.Today.

🏠 Tether Execs Go All-In On El Salvador Real Estate

Top Tether brass apparently bought fancy golf-course plots, turned Salvadorian citizens, and might be jacking up land prices for locals. Meanwhile, they’re also forming a swarm of shell companies in San Salvador’s World Trade Center—because one business per office is for amateurs. If you wondered where the stablecoin billions went, the mansion photos might offer a clue. Protos.

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TECHNICAL ANALYSIS
Still Stuck In The Suck 🪠 

Guess what? That awful place I’ve been talking about for most of the month (the Cloud)? Ya, a good chunk of the crypto market is still in it.

Bitcoin is inside the Cloud:

BTCUSD Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

Ethereum’s inside the Cloud – but it’s bounced off the bottom (Senkou Span B). That could be a sign of a swing low:

ETHUSD Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

Doge is in the Cloud and kinda-sorta looks a little like ETH’s chart with how close it is to Senkou Span B:

DOGEUSD Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

Here’s Something Non-Ichimoku For You

The greatest living trader, Peter Brandt, reposted a chart on X that Brandt said, “… we have seen this type of construction as a bear trap numerous times in Bitcoin.”

Source: Peter Brandt’s X.

Fun Fact: Peter Brandt started his trading career before some of your parents developed eye-lids.

Another Fun Fact: He frequently and freely shares his analysis on X. Crazy stuff. 🧠 

PRESENTED BY STOCKTWITS
Daily Rip Live With Jordan Lee & Michael Nauss 📺️ 

The co-hosts discuss the labor market’s upside surprise, Jensen Huang sending quantum computing stocks into a tailspin, Tesla’s resilience, the outlook for Bitcoin and semiconductors in 2025, and hidden opportunities in this volatile market. 👀 

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🕹️ InfiniGods Gears Up for a Divine Drop

InfiniGods, the 2.2 million download crypto game, is about to drop a stash of GOD tokens to its NFT holders. InfiniPass, Elder Gods, and God Vault owners score 17% of the supply. The official date is hush-hush, but “January. The time is nigh.” is all the hint you get. The Defiant.

🎰 Provably Fair: Casino Games That Aren’t Out to Rob You

It’s basically a cryptographic handshake that ensures the house isn’t sneaking aces up its sleeve. They generate and hash random seeds from both the casino and the player, locking in the results so no one can cheat after the deal. If you still don’t trust it, you can verify every bet on the blockchain—just prepare for some serious cryptography homework. Blockchain Magazine.

🎳 Who’s Mr. Greed? TikTok Wants to Know

That once-dead Twitter handle @MrGreed just woke up after 15 years to announce a bizarre duck-themed video challenge. They’re teasing a new “Greed” game that leans on skill over meme-fueled rockets. Best TikTok gets $2,500, which might cover the therapy bill if your duck cosplay goes viral for the wrong reasons. NFT News.

🖼️ Trump’s Bitcoin Ordinals: Politics Meets Priceless JPEGS

Just 119 “Trump Bitcoin Digital Trading Cards” exist, locked up on Magic Eden, with some going for an eye-watering 20 BTC. It’s the fifth NFT drop from the President-Elect, who apparently loves straddling headlines between politics and pixel art. If you missed his Polygon sets, well, there’s more on the OG blockchain. CCN.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DePin, DEX, and Lending Protocol News 🏦

☁️ Akash 2024: So Many GPUs, So Little Centralization

They soared to $1.6M in cumulative spend, let you buy compute with credit cards, and roped in big GPGPU providers. AI and open-source fans grabbed their fancy HPC clusters while academic researchers hammered away at new AI models. This year, they’re doubling down with more GPU supply, bigger expansions, and an unstoppable push into the world of “permissionless supercloud.” Akash network.

⛓️ Synthetix Extends Base Rewards: More Bribes for LPs

Synthetix is dishing out 15,000 SNX and 20,000 USDC weekly to keep that sweet, sweet liquidity flowing. You can toss in your USDC or stataUSDC and watch the yields roll in while traders do their thing. It’s basically “We’ll pay you to show up,” but in a DeFi format. Synthetix blog.

🏦 1inch x Talos: DeFi for the Suits

Talos integrated 1inch so institutional whales can finally get their chunk of DeFi liquidity. They’re eyeing tokens that haven’t even hit major CEXs—because if you’re a giant fund, you want those sweet alt gems early. Now big trades won’t crash the market… theoretically. 1inch blog.

🏠 MANTRA + DAMAC: $1B Tokenization… NBD

DAMAC’s fractional ownership scheme brings real estate investments to the Middle East’s everyday mortals. MANTRA supplies the on-chain wizardry so we can pretend real estate is as liquid as a meme coin. They’re basically plugging a billion-dollar property empire into DeFi—no pressure. MANTRA blog.

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🤦 CFPB proposes crypto firms refund users for funds lost to hacks

🤖 Miami’s first fully robot-run restaurant serves up high-tech cuisine

💪 Leading developers challenge Ethereum’s design, urging a new approach

🦢 An albatross couple shares egg duty in this captivating low-drama reality show

💵 Russian founders indicted for operating crypto mixers linked to money laundering

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, LTC, IMX, WMT, COPI, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, DOGE, ZEC, AVAX, XLM, XTZ, and NEAR. 📋