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OVERVIEW

We Thought We Hit Rock Bottom at Fartcoin, Then Unicorn Fart Dust Said ‘Hold My Beer’ 🦄 

Source: giphy

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

Source: Santiment

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

Source: Tradingview

THE END IS NIGH
The End Of Civilization Began With A Fart 🤦 

Dear Readers of The Litepaper,

It is clear to me, your Litepaper author, that Western Civilization is at its end.

Fartcoin was up +57% today, and, I shit you not, it is now worth $1.05 billion. 😱 

FARTCOIN Daily Chart – Click to enlarge.

Fartcoin is flaunting its absurdity like a trophy stolen from the halls of rational thought. It’s a beacon of the sheer degeneracy out there that makes you weep but also desire more.

I bet some of you thought 2024 hit its peak stoopid with Fartcoin.

Oh, my sweet Summer child, you’d be wrong. 👎️ 

Enter Unicorn Fart Dust (UFD)

UFD was dreamed up by a streamer, a boomer gold-and-silver maxi who went on a holy crusade to show the world just how worthless crypto is. Only to have it explode to just shy of a quarter billion dollars in 48 hours. 🤯 

They say when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back.

Well, when you attempt to shit on a fart memecoin, it responds with a $240 million stampede of rainbow glitter and unicorn butt trumpets. 🦄 

Unicorn Fart Dust Hourly Chart – Click To Enlarge

Past civilizations fell at the peak of their own degeneracy. The Aztecs lopped people’s heads off for the lolz, the Han Dynasty got stupidly high while the citizens starved, Carthage traded morals for profit margins, pre-Ptolemic Egypt and the Mycenaeans loved their animals a little too much, and the Romans drank, enslaved, and killed to excess. 🤦 

If any of those civilizations had blockchain tech, they’d probably have minted Donkey Poop Derby tokens or Swamp Gas Credenzas before their societal collapse.

Future archaeologists, sifting through digital ledgers, will laugh their asses off. They’ll piece together the final days of Western civilization: pyramids, togas, and finally, a glorious digital rainbow fart that signaled the end of it all. 🌈 

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NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

🏴‍☠️ Bitfinex Hacker Breaks Silence: “Blame Me, Not My Wife”

After earning himself five years behind bars for hacking Bitfinex in 2016 and laundering a sea of stolen Bitcoin, Ilya Lichtenstein decided to speak up from the slammer. He fessed up to the hack, said he only cared about himself back then, and insisted his wife, Heather Morgan — famous for rapping under “Razzlekhan” — had nothing to do with the heist itself. She only got roped into the laundering. Now both are off to prison, with Lichtenstein hoping people cut Morgan some slack. Cointelegraph.

🍌 Justin Sun’s Banana Drama: CoinDesk Article Peels Off After Complaint

Justin Sun apparently wasn’t amused by a CoinDesk opinion piece calling the spectacle “ridiculous.” After Sun’s team complained, CoinDesk’s owner, Bullish, pulled the piece from their site. CoinDesk journalists tried (and failed) to get it reposted, sparking concerns about editorial independence. Meanwhile, the banana-eating billionaire is still facing allegations of wash trading and related shenanigans. Protos.

🦅 HAWK Token Investors Cry Foul, Sue Over Alleged Securities Violations

The team behind HAWKTUAH just took a legal punch to the gut. Investors who lost a collective $151,000 say HAWK was basically an unregistered security luring newbies with promises of profit, only to watch the token’s value nose-dive. The lawsuit claims Welch’s hype and fee-collecting foundation pooled everyone’s funds and gave them a “reasonable expectation of profits,” ticking all the boxes for a security sans registration. TheBlock.

TECHNICAL ANALYSIS
Bottom Incoming? 🤔 

If you recall yesterday’s Litepaper, we looked at Bitcoin’s weekly chart and the large gaps that exist between the bodies of the candlesticks and the Tenkan-Sen – a clear sign of a market out of equilibrium. ♎️ 

The gaps are still there for Bitcoin, but a good chunk of the altcoin market is showing signs that the downside pressure has a high probability of abating soon.

Cardano

ADAUSD Weekly Chart – Click to enlarge.

Tezos

XTZUSD Weekly Chart – Click to enlarge.

Stellar

XLMUSD Weekly Chart – Click to enlarge.

While Bitcoin, XRP and a couple other major market cap cryptocurrencies still who major gaps, a good chunk of the altcoin market looks like the three charts above. A sign of the end to the downside pressure? Maybe. But let’s see what happens as we transition into the week of Christmas. 🎄 

PRESENTED BY STOCKTWITS
The Perfect Holiday Watch Party Movie 👀 

Remember Glauber “Pro” Contessoto, aka “The Dogecoin Millionaire?” With crypto roaring back like it’s 2021 again, his name is making a comeback alongside Dogecoin’s price as retail looks for a repeat of the ‘meme coin’ mania. 🤑 

His story was captured in a film nominated for ‘Best Documentary’ in the 2024 Astra Awards, and we’re rolling it out in four digestible parts over the coming four days, right on the Stocktwits YouTube channel.

See how THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE exposes the risks and rewards of today’s market through expert commentary and the anxiety-inducing stories of real people trying to make millions. If you love markets, it’s the perfect holiday watch. 🍿 

News In Three Sentences
DeFi, DEX, and Lending Protocol News 🏦

🐇 PancakeSwap’s Bridge: Cross-Chain Hops Made Easy

PancakeSwap has whipped up a new bridge that bounces across 8 different chains and supports a whopping 3,700 tokens. This isn’t some creaky old drawbridge—think high-speed express lane connecting multiple crypto ecosystems. With BNB Chain powering the under-the-hood magic, cross-chain transfers just got as simple, fast, and delicious as flipping pancakes. Pancakeswap blog.

⚔️ Kaidros (KDR) Arrives on Katana: New Token, New Adventures

Ronin just added Kaidros (KDR) to its Katana DEX, bringing fresh liquidity and maybe a new favorite token for traders. With Kaidros in the mix, users can explore new trading pairs, dive into the ecosystem’s vibrant marketplace, and potentially spot their next big opportunity. Ronin blog.

🤖 Hedera & Eqty Labs: Trusting AI with Verifiable Compute

Hedera and Eqty Labs are tackling the AI “black box” problem by making machine learning trustworthy and verifiable on-chain. They’re basically holding AI’s feet to the fire, ensuring it’s telling the truth and not spinning tall tales. It’s the kind of accountability AI needs if it wants a gold star in today’s data-driven world. Hedera blog.

💥 Curve Founder Caught in Another CRV Price Whirlwind

Michael Egorov, the man behind Curve Finance, just got hit with another costly liquidation—this time to the tune of $882K worth of CRV tokens. After a rough 24 hours that shaved 12% off CRV’s price, his loan got called in. Ironically, Egorov had just plunked down a cool $1.2 million to buoy the token days earlier, only for the market to yank the rug. coincu.

EMAIL ME
Tell Me What You Want What You Really Really Want 🔊 

Quick note here: Let me know what you’d like to see more of in the Litepaper.

More charts? Less Charts? More on-chain analytics? Less analytics? More data? Less data? Let me know! 🎇 

E-mail me here: jmorgan@stocktwits.com

ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
Burnt Bag Briefing 🔥 

Want to know whether the bulls or bears are feeling the most pain today? Well, this is the place to look. 👀

24-Hour Liquidation Heat Map – Source: Coinglass – Click to enlarge.

In the past 24 hours, 336,086 traders were liquidated, with total liquidations reaching $1.19 billion.

The largest single liquidation occurred on Binance, an ETCUSDT pair valued at $15.80 million.

Longs lost $1.04 billion, while shorts were hit for $154.71 million. 🤕 

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🟢 Court gives Coinbase the green light to delist Wrapped Bitcoin (WBTC)

🥉 Nearly a third of US voters aged below 40 have used crypto, according to new poll

⛰️ Is Mt. Gox behind $1.18 billion crypto liquidations? Here’s what happened

🎮️ Indiana Jones and the Great Circle is destined to be forgotten, and it’s a damn shame

🤖 Prediction: The artificial intelligence (AI) bubble will burst in 2025. Here’s why.

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, DASH, COPI, LTC, LINK, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, DOGE, ZEC, AVAX, XLM, XTZ, and NEAR. 📋